My wise husband Collin (see his great blog!) often says, "Life is not a short story."
What does he mean by that?
Resurrect what your high school English teacher taught you as she helped you see the whole story in light of the first paragraph and how the first paragraph was a window into the meaning and direction of the ensuing story.
People aren't like that. We can't tell from a little sliver of interaction how they will interact in the following interactions. We can't know a person's whole story from the first paragraph. Much as I'd like to.
I'd like my world to be orderly. I like to predict how people will act so that I can run away or come close depending on what feels good to me. I sometimes fancy myself a very good reader of person and thus predictor and organizer of my world.
Life doesn't work that way. Especially life in the kingdom of Jesus. He keeps calling me out of my comfort zone, keeps asking me not to withdraw from people who have hurt me.
Take yesterday. I awakened with chills and skills racing through my mind regarding how to handle the upcoming conversation with an acquaintance at church, a leader. Then I prayed with my husband and I lapsed into tears, feeling overwhelmed (grief again).
I'd formed my impressions of the woman I was to meet with, "Sally," from just two encounters. I'd seen Sally handle the needs of a newcomer at church all wrong. She sent him away without being able to make the phone connection he needed with a cab company or the offer of a ride - just "go look for a phone over by Draegers." She turned to me and another woman and said, "He's a big boy. He can take care of himself."
Yet, I'd seen the look of anxiety on his face. I felt bad for this Atlanta businessman stuck in our too-busy-to-help your California church. He needed to get back to his hotel on time to pick up his luggage and reach the airport. I wanted to do something for him, but effectively this leader had told us that we shouldn't do anything more.
I typed this woman as not having the "Good Samaritan" spirit because she failed this man. I also figured it had to do with culture - you know, the big city culture instead of the town one, the "independent, take care of yourself" culture instead of the hospitality and taking care of each other I've seen in Japan.
When I met with SAlly this week, I tried to bring my issue with what she'd done in as gentle a way as possible. "I know I've seen only a sliver of who you are and this is probably not the way you are all the time and there's probably lots I don't know about the situation."
I had the words to say to her right - not presumptuous - but in my heart I thought she was wrong.
Wrong - oh. Oh, it's me. After hearing her story, I'm not sure whether she did the wrong thing or not. I certainly know that she does have the giving, caring, go-out-of-your way spirit of a helper of strangers. I had evaluated her by the opening sentences. I was wrong.
It goes the other way too. I can't predict whether a person will always understand me and be sensitive to my desire/need to be appreciated and affirmed.
Take my counselor whom I saw yesterday. (And, ironically, of the same first name as the other woman!) At the end of the session I felt hurt and, to be honest, angry. I wanted to withdraw and not reveal anything more to her. Like not making another appointment (even though I've seen this lady some thirty times and God has used her significantly in my life).
God said, "Don't you do it."
Yes, master. If you say so. I was not happy about telling the counselor my feelings, about exposing my hurt with the possibility that she wouldn't understand and I'd feel even worse afterwords.
Well, she did understand and showed it and apologized. Still, the words she added chilled me again. "Probably because of the way we interact, this will happen again."
Again! She's the licensed professional Why should I have to go through this again! Why can't she be consistently accepting and affirming? I want to retreat.
Carol, listen to yourself. Is that all you want? To feel better, safe?
No, I want to be like Jesus.
God, you haven't given me a short story. You ask me to let in unpredictability.
I want to control my life and keep it easy, but you keep calling me to more steps of growth and dependence on you. It reminds me of the parable in the Bible where a master gives a talent (money) to a servant. When he invested and got a good return, the master didn't just say, "Thank you and now you can have a rest." The master gave him more talents - more responsibility, more risk-taking Yes, more.
Or, for those of us into reading to small children, "If you give a mouse a cookie, he'll ask for a glass of milk." So God also keeps asking for more. Hmm . . . what have I made God into here?
Yes, He's more much more, and he keeps giving me more and more - more richness and more trumpets calls to follow him despite my fears and pain with the promise of beauty, joy and goodness.
Comments