Breaking up is hard to do

    I wonder if you've heard that song?   I'm certainly feeling the truth of that 60's title,  "Breaking up is hard to do" today.
    My oldest, Jenny, is going through the throes of having broken up with her boyfriend.  A decision made because they'll soon be on different ends of the country. At the same time she's also "breaking up" with me. 
    As one counselor said, "When the daughter is close to her mother, she has to reject her even more in order to separate."  "Separate" here means not just to move away, which she'll do in two weeks as she sets off for college, but to become a separate person emotionally, to no longer care so much what I think and feel.
    I know this process is necessary intellectually, but it's still so painful for me. Probably is for her too.
    "The greatest information comes in the greatest pain."  That's a quote I can't attribute, read it in an article about writer's block.  I'm holding on to that truth as I still feel the sting of some harsh correction from Jenny yesterday
    Before lying down last night I prayed that God's spirit would teach my spirit during the night, to reveal to my spirit what I need to know to get through this one.  He loves to answer that prayer.  Sure enough, I awakened with the story of the Father and his son who left him running through my mind.  I know God is like that Father, he understand how I feel.  Romans 5:1-5 came to mind.  I opened the worn red leather Bible and read the whole wonderful five verses there. 
    It was hard to stop crying last night, but today I have hope. Even though Jenny was attacking some very basic personality traits of me that seem out of my reach, impossible to change, I know that God has lavishly poured His Spirit into my heart.  As I listen to Him and cooperate, He can change me in ways that I deem impossible.
    I also know that the real acceptance that counts is not with my daughter.  In the long run it matters little whether my daughter thinks I'm a wonderful person or not. What matters is God's esteem of me.  And I am good in His sight through my belief in Jesus.  I certainly haven't done everything right, nor am I a perfect mother, and when I try to base my self-acceptance on those things I soon fall flat.
    "And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit."
Romans 5:3-5a

Comments

[Janine]

Carol - just wanted to let you know that even though we as daughters "seperate" from you as mothers, we still love you and look up to you! We are still learning how to express that and our independance at the same time, there is a happy medium, it just takes some time to find it! I am sure as a mother it is much harder than as a daughter but this too shall pass! I certainly am not looking forward to this when Ethan and Sky get older. But I just wanted to let you know what this makes me think from a daughter's point of view.